When Guys Only Want You For Sex
I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again. Dating today sucks. It’s harder than ever to find a good partner in today’s times of casual sex everywhere you turn. Even though I’m not currently dating, trouble still seems to find me. As expected, I’m back with another personal experience that I wanted to share with you guys. At the end of this post you’ll find some personal words of encouragement if that’s what you want to immediately read.
I’m still on my Tinder detox “My Tinder Experience” and haven’t seriously been on there for a couple of months now. Unfortunately, there’s a small percentage of guys who message me on Instagram after finding me on Tinder, and who I can only assume are just looking for quick sex. For the most part I don’t respond to them as I’m still way too fragile to mingle with guys at the moment. But other times, in my moments of stupidity and weakness, I do. I usually always regret it to some extent and that’s where my story comes into play.
This happened about a week ago. I got a message from a guy who said that he found me on Tinder. He was actually the second guy who messaged me during that week. Another guy messaged me a day or two before him who I completely didn’t give any attention to (a smart decision on my part). He started off nice, (don’t they all) wanting to talk a lot during the day and saying he would be there for me if I wanted to talk about my past experiences. I was extremely defensive when talking to him at first, telling him that guys use me for sex all the time and that I was sick of it. He of course said that he would never hurt me (yeah, right). By the way, if you haven’t already checked out “How To Spot A F*ckboy!” now would be the perfect time! In the back of my mind I already knew what would happen (spoiler: it doesn’t end well). It’s also important to mention that he said he wasn’t looking for a relationship (enter mixed signals).
Fast forward a couple days and I message him saying hi and he quickly changed the conversation to sex. One of the first things he said to me was I quote “Can I hit?”. If you don’t know what that means, it basically means: Can I have sex with you? Disgusted, I tell him to leave me alone and what does he say? He calls me a bitch and that I should be nice. Yeah… that’s how that went. Blocked immediately. I was talking to him as a friendly acquaintance and not looking for sex mind you.
So what’s the purpose of me writing this? To let others know that if you feel like the only girl who’s constantly being used by guys, you’re not alone. We are worth more than casual sex if a relationship is what we want. I’m not saying casual sex is completely bad, there are those who are comfortable with that and can separate feelings from sex ( I can’t). As long as you’re being safe, using condoms and getting tested regularly, I can’t judge. It’s ok to not want only sex and to want something serious. Stick to your standards and don’t change them for anyone. I was told the right guy finds you when you least expect it and when you’re not looking.
Here are a few things to also consider: guys around my age (early twenties) usually aren’t looking for anything serious. You’re better off looking for older guys if you do want something serious. Girls mature faster than guys and are prone to want to settle down a lot earlier. This is normal. Also, online dating isn’t the best place to find good guys. A majority of guys on those sites are looking for one thing and one thing only, sex. Don’t be fooled by the nice guy act. Though not all guys are pervs, it can be hard to distinguish between actual good guys and fake ones. The only way to weed out the bad ones is to not have sex with them right away. The bad ones will then get bored and move on, leaving you with your answer.